Wouldn’t it be awesome if everything we writers ever tapped out on our keyboards was brilliant and flawless? What a relief that would be! Then none of us would ever have to suffer through the dreaded critiques.
{ Read Part One of this discussion to learn how to gracefully receive criticism on your work. }
But what about the person on the other side of that table — the critique-ER? How do you handle it when YOU are the one who’s been asked to give feedback…on a story that needs a lot of work? How do you tell someone their story isn’t perfect? How do you give them suggestions without them A) taking it personally, or B) completely disregarding your feedback as you being “of a different opinion”?
A) Most writers are creatives, and creatives weave constellations of themselves into every bit of their work, no matter the format. That means it’s nearly impossible for us not to take critiques a little personally (or a lot personally). BUT…does that mean you shouldn’t tell them your true opinion if it’s not all butterflies and rainbows? No, but be careful how you phrase it.
This leads me to B), which requires a two-fold answer. Obviously we want this person to accept what we have to say, or else we just wasted a LOT of our time reading and critiquing their story. But in the event your advice is brushed away…please, please know this: it’s on them if they don’t take your critiques back to the drawing board. You did your duty! They asked for honesty, and you gave it. If they don’t consider anything you said, even as an unbiased secondary party, they’re peeing in their own Wheaties, and the joke’s on them. Don’t ever feel like it’s your responsibility to fix someone else’s bad story just because it crossed your desk before it was sent off to agents and publishers; the task falls on the story owner to do their due diligence in fixing problems.
I know the most common issue people have with this advice is that the crummy story belongs to someone you know personally, probably a friend you don’t want to hurt. That’s where learning how to deliver constructive criticism that is easy to swallow can become a lifesaver for you. I am always learning more about how to do this better myself, because, although a generally kind person, I am highly critical, and sometimes my sharp tongue talks me into a corner. But after personal experience, much trial and error, and my fair share of research, here are my best tips for avoiding any more unpleasantness than necessary:
Be delicate in how you phrase things
Don’t be callous, even if you justify it as being objective and/or straightforward. You may think this is the kindest way to deliver your feedback, as brutal honesty. But the person on the other end won’t like it, and may even feel attacked–and then they won’t listen to you. I can pretty much promise it. Plus, do you want to be labeled in their mind as a huge jerkface for the rest of forever? Probably not. So, I like the compliment sandwich: tell me good things, then bad, then finish out with more good things! I’ve heard other people find this model to be very helpful, too. It makes the criticism seem less harsh and more approachable. For example, tell this person first how awesome they are at creating realistic characters. Then slip into that one character that doesn’t seem to have a purpose, is flat or lifeless, and may need to be deleted from the story. Then end with going into how much you appreciated your favorite character, and what it is about them that made you like them so much.
Separate the person from the criticism
I heard this guy at an education seminar once say that people can accept criticism better if the actions being critiqued are separated from them as an individual. That means focus your attention on the situation instead of the person creating that situation, and probably avoid the word “you” attached to anything that isn’t positive. In this case, critique the writing, not the writer. Example: Rather than saying, “You have this habit of using figurative language that makes no sense and couldn’t possibly resonate with the reader, so that needs work,” it would be much more diplomatic to say, “I noticed quite a few instances of figurative language that didn’t make sense. You have the right idea here, because well-placed figurative language can make a narrative beautifully rich. A quick brush-up online would be a cinch for you and worth the time!”
When possible, give specific suggestions without being bossy or a know-it-all
There are two kinds of criticisms that are supremely unhelpful: vagueness, and then its equally annoying counterpart, prescription. The vague criticism goes something like this: “I don’t like this part. It makes me feel weird. (End criticism)” Um, how is that really helping? It offers no detail on why the reader felt that way, so it wasn’t even worth sharing. And we all know the obnoxious opposite to this, the prescriptive critic who goes on for sixteen pages about how to fix this one scene to the -nth degree, complete with an anecdote about a llama. Hehe, just kidding. About the llama part. Anyway, you have to be a little specific with your criticisms, and if you have legit suggestions on how to fix something, fire away! But leave plenty of room for the writer to make their own changes, without you laying it on too thick with your “Mr. Fix-It” routine. And when you give suggestions, it’s normally good to briefly inform them WHY you think that suggestion will work for them. Example: Instead of telling them exactly how to rewrite a grammatically mutilated paragraph, give individual suggestions per sentence, i.e., “I suggest changing this fragmented sentence to this, or something similar, so it reads more smoothly.”
My biggest takeaway tip for you today: Read your criticisms aloud to yourself, and imagine if someone were saying it to YOU. How would it feel to be on the receiving end of it? Would you accept it easily? Or would you want to spit in their eye and walk away? As my 8th grade journalism teacher used to say, “Coat your words in honey, because you may have to eat them someday.” Okay, it’s not an exact fit to this situation, but you get it, right?
How do you offer constructive feedback on another creative’s work without hurting their feelings? Do you agree or disagree with any of my points? Tell me in the comments.
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